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10 Things I Learned About Myself...

...during my first yoga class.

Those of you who know me well are unable to breath right now because you are laughing so hard. But yes, I really did begin a yoga class today.

1. This isn't really something I learned about myself, as much as it is something I learned about yoga in general. Yoga is not easy for chics with plentiful boobage. Seriously, they were in the way the whole time.

2. I have been a fat, sedentary person for too long. I used to run. I used to exercise regularly. But I haven't done any of that in about 5 years. Although I will never be obsessed by exercise, I would like to at least be able to touch my toes without cutting off the circulation to my brain.

3. I used to be able to breathe. I can't anymore. When I was in college, taking voice lessons and singing 5 days a week, I could breathe. I had no trouble with posture. Sitting up straight, legs uncrossed and breathing deeply were second nature to me. Trying to breathe correctly today during my yoga workout was almost as difficult as holding my butt up off the ground for a count of 5.

4. When I was a child, I never once assumed the "child position."

5. When given the opportunity to rest, I will take that opportunity every 20 seconds.

6. I can't stand on one foot for longer than 2 breaths. When you then ask me to wrap my other leg around my body and put my right arm in the air, the time I can remain in an upright position decreases substantially.

7. I thought I knew what keeping my feet hip width apart meant. Apparently I do not. It seems like that would be a pretty good distance. But it's not- not when you have your shoulders back, your abs sucked in, your ass tucked under and your hands in the small of your back. But then again, maybe it's not the distance between my feet as it is the HUGENESS OF MY FREAKIN' THIGHS.

8. I don't like yoga music. In fact, I find it very bothersome. I wish the yoga teacher would let me bring a walkman so I could listen to some Duran Duran or something while I attempt to stretch myself into a human pretzel.

9. Being barefoot was weird. I'm not sure why. I go barefoot at the beach and I'm fine. I go barefoot at home and I'm fine. But during my yoga class I'm all worried that the instructor is going to notice my flintstone toes.

10. I am not a hopeless case. I think I would like to continue going, and hopefully, each week I won't feel like I've had my ass kicked for an hour.


Anonymous said…
You're the hottest Yoga chick I know.
Diane said…
1. I agree - boobs get in the way of yoga - also golf - but I hate golf, so I don't care...

2. I didn't worry about being barefoot, but I wore a tshirt which kept sliding over my head...its hard enough to do downward dog, its impossible when you are worried about flashing your ample boobage to the entire class.

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